Monday, January 07, 2013

Eight New Year's resolutions I would like the fashion industry to make for 2013.

1. We no longer like mullet tops. We don't like mullet anything, for that matter! The only kind of mullet we care for is the fish variety.

2. We're done with head-being-weighed-down Sailor Moon-esque hair buns. Do you get that you look stupid, Lauren Conrad? Do you? We've realised we led you astray and want you to expect better of yourself this year. Next time you want a large landmass on your head, we advise you to consider a little-known option sometimes called 'a hat'.

3. CIVILIANS: there will be no longer any need for ugly ass hooker shoes! Let the people rejoice! If you are a hooker, disregard this message.

4. No ugly pastel shades of lipstick. We don't know what we were thinking, either.

5. We are done with neon. It is to colour what Tara Reid is to high society. We're sorry.

6. We will stop glorifying and encouraging poorly-executed balayage and just-plain-shithouse dip-dyeing.

7. Tops/dresses with this frilly piece of crap going on were all just a joke. We knew all along that they would look terrible on everybody on the planet. LOL SOZ. WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

8. We're going to stop printing everything on fabric. Just because we can, doesn't mean we should. This applies 300-fold for stretchy fabric. Never again.


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    p.s. my brownie goddess friend puts a secret layer of caramel apple wraps in hers.

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