Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Nostalgia Files: food edition

This will probably come as an enormous, life-changing surprise to you all -- I really quite like food.

I partake in it multiple times a day. It makes me happy, on many levels. I love the taste and the smell. The texture, mouth-feel, temperature. I love preparing foods, purchasing ingredients, chopping and frying and baking. I love buying food, and happily spend hours browsing grocery stores, delis, and markets. I love the act of eating - sharing a meal with friends and family is a wonderful thing, as is enjoying a quiet, solitary meal, with just my crossword and music for company.

I've ALWAYS loved food, despite having a long and weird relationship with it. From an omg-eat-everything baby/toddler, to a super-picky child, to an eight year old vegetarian who didn't like vegetables, to a junk food fiend in my early teens, to a crash diet queen in my late teens, to a health food freak in my university days, to a born-again meat-eater, to....... whatever I am now. Somewhere in between, I think. All of the above and none of the above: I eat pretty much everything.

Except most seafood. Especially prawns. Which look like foetuses and that is not okay by me.

I love the way food can take you back. The memories associated with different dishes. Here are some of my absolute favourites from my childhood - some are pure trash, others are home-cooked classics that bring back the nicest memories of my childhood and my parents.

So, without further ado, I bring you this inevitably crazy-long entry...
[note: when putting this post together, I was originally emailing the owners of the photos for their permission. But then the list of foods got monstrously long and I got lazy. I've attached links to their original owners/locations, and full credit goes to them. If any of you have an objection to your pictures being used, let me know and I'll take them down, stat!]



Image from 123RF
Soft boiled eggs with buttered toast soldiers
Sometimes I'd manage to convince mum to let me use potato chips or fries instead of toast. Those were good days.
Related story: I once dated a boy who had never heard of 'soldiers'. It was that moment that I knew our relationship was doomed.


Cheese on Toast
Even in high school, my friends would come over just to eat mum's cheese on toast for afternoon tea. Often accompanied by ...



Image from Aygee
Ribena
It tastes better out of the little individual boxes. Scientific fact.



Image from Food.People.Want
Falafels
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, my parents used to often take me to St Kilda on weekends. We'd walk along the beach, feed the seagulls, get ice cream, people-watch the hipsters, go to cafes (and I felt incredibly grown up and sophisticated, as I sipped my Babycino) and - once or twice- go to Luna Park.  But my absolute FAVOURITE memory of these outings was the Falafel Man, who stood on a street corner, handing out samples of falafels, just cooked in his little portable deep fryer. They were blisteringly hot - still sizzling - and I loved the contrast of the unbelievably crispy, crunchy, shattering exterior, and soft and tender inside. I've never had better falafels, and my life is a quest to relive the beauty of these babies.
This, my friends, is how you get a vegetable-hating 5 year old to eat vegetables.



Image from 13 Cups
Semolina Porridge
I didn't have this often, but it stands out in my memory as something unique that my mum made. None of my friends at school ever had this for breakfast, and it was such a warm, cosy, squishy, comforting, filling food, yet still somehow light. On my last trip to Melbourne, I had it for breakfast at The Hardware Societe, and it was still as wonderful as I remember.




Image from FeedMe
Fried Potato Slices 
From ages 8-10, I more or less lived on these. I'd just become a vegetarian, but hated pretty much every vegetable in existence/was the fussiest eater EVER. So I ate fried potatoes for pretty much every meal. Cooked in butter, then eaten between bread and butter, with a shitload of ketchup. Because it's important to include fruits and vegetables in every meal.


Image from YayMicro
Pancakes with lemon juice and sugar
Another classic mum dish. Her pancakes are the best in the world. She never made the big fat fluffy type pancakes (which I still consider GROSSLY INFERIOR)... Instead, ours were thin, eggy and crepe-like. We'd squeeze lemon juice on them, pour on sugar, and roll them up into tubes, then cut them into little slices to be eaten with a knife and fork. I can put away an alarming number of these.


Image from Food Network
Canned chicken noodle soup
Every day after pre-school, I'd go to my best friend Michael's house and eat chicken noodle soup, with bread for dipping. Never got old.



Image from Canadian D-Girl
Smarties
Sometimes I crave M&Ms, but mostly my heart belongs to Smarties. When you want Smarties, no other candy-coated-chocolate-disc will do. Their oddly soft, papery, dissolving shell, and colours that always seem somehow muted and pastel, are sacred to me.



Image from ZSZN
McDonald's chicken nuggets
I always went for nuggets when I got McDonald's Happy Meals. I was a foolish child who didn't like pickles and therefore hated the cheeseburgers. These days, I buy them pretty much JUST FOR the pickles. But chicken nuggets still rock my world.




Crumpets
... leaking butter and golden syrup everywhere. Sticky fingers and food-stained face = my childhood in a nutshell.


Tinned Spaghetti on Toast
Often this was baked beans instead, but there is something about the carb-on-carb action that is so dear to my heart.



Porridge with milk, brown sugar and butter
The feeling I get eating hot porridge - drowned in milk to cool it down, with hard crumbly lumps of brown sugar and a biiiiig plop of butter right in the middle - is the closest I can get to explaining how I feel about my mother. Warm and comforting and delicious and sweet and balanced and filling and gooey. Mum-in-a-bowl.
I just wish my real mum had a giant lump of butter right in the centre of her face. That'd be awesome. I'd kiss her way more often.



Image from Adventures at Home
Milly Molly Mandy Potatoes
When mum first read me this story, I knew I needed to eat these potatoes for real. They were everything I hoped for and more...a little salt, a little pepper, and a LOTTTT of butter :)


Image from Losing Terry
Strawberry Big Ms
Probably my favourite photos of myself as a little kid is of me sitting on a window-sill, wearing a white dress with bright pink polkadots, which matches the Big M I'm slurping. The frames of my giant, old lady glasses are also pink. My hair is in pigtails and I'm sitting like a truckie with my legs splayed, so the whole world can see my underpants. Once I find this photo, it'll be my Facebook profile pic FOR SURE.



Potato Latkes
We went to a Jewish food fair when I was a little kid, and I still remember my first taste of real bagels and blintzes. But it was the latkes that really got me. I absolutely fell in love. They are a near perfect food, as far as I'm concerned. Wonderful with sour cream, or apple sauce, or powdered sugar, or salt and pepper, or honey, or ketchup, or WHATEVER. I nearly grate my fingers off every time I make them, but it's a small price to pay.



Image from Urban Playground
Apples and Cheese
This is still my go-to snack. Sweet, slightly tart, crisp apple + smooth - but still relative sharp and flavourful! - cheese = the greatest combination in the world.



Image from Kalyn's Kitchen
Celery with Peanut Butter
Another snack classic. And probably the only way you'll ever get me eating celery.



Image from iTV
Fish finger sandwiches
I recently ate one again, for the first time in probably 19 years or so. I can honestly say it was still wonderful, and I look forward to making them a regular part of my life again.


Image from Maggi
2 Minute Noodles (beef flavour)
I ate so many of these that I really think Child Protection Services should've stepped in. I refused any flavour but beef. OCCASIONALLY, under very desperate conditions, I'd accept chicken... but begrudingly.
My preferred method of consumption: Extract noodles, allow to cool a little until they're beginning to congeal/become hard and clumpy. Drain soup into separate bowl. Eat each separately, using bread and butter to dip into soup AND to put noodles on top of. Further proof of my undying love of carbs-on-carbs.


Image from Cookipedia
Vanilla Slices
My dad and I share a mutual love for all things 'slice' (see below!). We are complete snobs when it comes to 'snot blocks', and are forever on a mission to find The Ultimate. Country town bakeries across the nation fear us.



Image from Monarch Cakes
Caramel Slices
The sweeter, the sicklier, THE BETTER. But we do have standards: it's gotta be REAL chocolate. Give me that compound bullshit and I'll glass you in the eye.


Image from Pictures Depot
Milky Way chocolate bars  
(the Australian version - check out Wikipedia for the difference).  
Mum used to sometimes buy these for me 'when I'd been really good' while grocery shopping, because they were relatively small and 'healthier' and less likely to send me on a completely deranged sugar high. I have this really clear memory of walking home from the supermarket one day, and smelling chocolate. "MUM! I CAN SMELL CHOCOLATE!!! WHERE IS IT?!?!?" .... she looked guilty. I noticed a little smear of brown in the corner of her mouth. That sneaky woman had bought herself one, but not one for me. I have never let her forget The Milky Way Incident of 1992.



Image from BBC Good Food
Scalloped Potato Bake 
This was a staple at family barbeques, and probably the only reason I enjoyed them. I would regularly ask mum to make POTATOES-WITH-MILK-AND-CREAM-AND-CHEESE!!! She knew what I meant.



Image from Aroma Cookery
Peanut Butter and Honey on Toast
Jam & PB is good; honey & PB is better.
[for the record... PB and jam AND honey AND Nutella AND maple syrup is the best... but sometimes I try to exhibit SOME self restraint]



Image from handmadewithlove1
Beef Stroganoff with Pasta (and buttloads of sour cream).  
I've talked a lot about my mum's cooking in this entry, so it's about time dad got some credit. He makes the absolute best stroganoff in the world. There is no contest. Everything else is embarrassingly pitiful in comparison. You shouldn't even try to top it. You will just fail and I will be ashamed of you.


The end. Common themes: potatoes, butter, anything-on-top-of-bread. Yep. Some things never change.

Question time: what are YOUR nostalgia foods?! Was your childhood diet as 'balanced' as mine!!? ;)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

The Nostalgia Files: TV edition

In understanding a person, it's very important to understand their past: their stories, their upbringings, the things that mattered to them and shaped the way they view the world.

The following are, more or less, the reason I am a worthwhile human being.

























Sometimes I think I need to have YouTube confiscated from me :)

Other news:
- As of this weekend, I finally own a washing machine. Yes, I have spent the last almost-a-year hand-washing everything, feeling like some kind of caveman bashing my clothes against rocks on the riverbank. I have never been so excited about an appliance in my life. 
- Tomorrow morning I am going on my first run outside in MONTHS. After my last half marathon, I've barely run at all, except for the occasional 10 minute jog on the treadmill at the gym. Because I'm really clever and sensible, I've scheduled this first run to coincide with the lowest overnight temperature we've had in a long time. Pray for me.
- This time next week I will be in the most monumental food coma, following my Pizza Hut road trip (which I mentioned here).
- I will not lie to you.... I am ridiculous excited about the upcoming Harry Potter movie and am counting down the days.
- It is exactly two months until my birthday. All my life, I've been adamant that I would be married with babies by the time I was 24. I don't like to fail at anything, so this means I have two months to secure a husband, get knocked up, and birth multiple children. WISH ME LUCK@!#!%$%!!!
- Pringles and pretzels, topped with baked beans and enormous amounts of cheese, then nuked in the microwave until it's all melty pretty much counts as nachos, right? And is therefore a legitimate dinner? Yes? YESSS???
- I've had some really disturbing dreams lately... including one where Jack Nicholson and Oprah were gettin' it on, in the hopes of getting her pregnant. I should point out that it was current Jack Nicholson and Oprah, not their former (read: younger, hotter, more fertile) selves. So not only did the vision hurt my eyes, I also suspect the attempted pregnancy was a lost cause.
- For the record, Oprah likes to be on top. Just in case anyone was wondering.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

when will you people learn?! DON'T ENCOURAGE ME (or you get crap like this).

My homeboy-since-grade-2-REPREZEENTTtt Brendan (who I recently saw for the first time since 1999 at this year's Canberra Half Marathon.. trippy!), encouraged me to post. By which I mean, he pandered to my already-inflated ego by saying he enjoys my blog.

.... big mistake, buddy.

So, um.. because I value his opinion and would not want to disappoint, I will put together this random assortment of tidbits as they enter my brain.

FIRST:
Just when I think my mother can't get any more awesome, she buys me this book.


Which once and for all confirms my suspicions that a) despite their gruff exteriors, mammoths were particularly enlightened creatures, and b) dinosaurs have terrible posture and could benefit from learning a thing or two from their woolly companions.


SECOND:
The graduate recruitment video I mentioned in my last post is now up. Sadly, they cut all my favourite scenes of myself. Bastards.

THIRD:
Friday I said goodbye to my beautiful friend Jessie who's leaving to live in Melbourne. She is a rockstar, the nicest person I know, and one of the loves of my life, and I will miss her terribly.

Photo-spam time:

 omg how embarrassing we wore the same thing.
with OUR BOYZZzzzz
 Where is my sequined tshirt?! I would like one saying 'natural disaster to be [due to gravitational pull of my enormous head]'

 Together, we have gone to many, many parties...

...and dinners....

 ... and picnics!

 Secret: sometimes I wear glasses and then people are tricked into thinking I'm clever and taking me seriously. That's how I convinced Jessie to be my friend... she thought I'd be useful in the long run. Sorry Jess.

 Jessie is kinda shy and hates cameras (and will probably punch me in the face if she ever sees this post) so I try to make her feel better by photo-bombing every picture and deliberately looking worse than she ever possibly could. Just out of the kindness of my heart.

OLD PHOTO TIME! Our grade 12 formal. Awww.

Because I knew that she would be devastated without me by her side, I made her a special farewell present...


Contents: 8 packets of different flavoured Mentos (in high school, we'd buy a few packets before every maths class. It was the only thing that got us through), a Billy Joel CD (in honour of our days blasting Uptown Girl on the drives to and from school), a giant tin of Milo (because she taught me how to make Milo Mousse and for that I will be forever grateful), a packet of gum (because I am the official gum-supplier of our group of friends and I don't want her to risk less-than-stellar breath in my absence), and a gift voucher for Target (we have spent many hours together in Target, buying ridiculous, brightly coloured underwear. When she misses me, I want her to be able to buy a frilly, fluorescent orange g-string, and remember better days...)

FOUR:
Here are some links I've enjoyed this week...

One: Fat is delicious and I'm so sick of everybody de-fatting my dairy products! Lindsay's post made me happy because this is all stuff I've been trying to convince my friends of for YEARS!  GIVE ME MY GODDAMN FAT BACK, YOU SICK BASTARDS. ps. On a related note, I have this hanging up at my desk at work.
Two: In my heart, I am a twelve year old boy, and I friggin' LOVE pokemon. This made me giddy with happiness while simultaneously scaring the crap out of me.
Three: I KNEW my race times should've been faster than they were!! This explains a lot. I love science.
Four: I am trying so hard to get Boyus Angfriend to buy me one of these for my birthday.
Five: I cried like a baby reading this. Full on snotty, slobbery, dripping SOBBING.
Six: On a happier note, I'm making this (or something similar) for dinner tonight. Wahoo!
Seven: IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.
Eight: I laughed so hard reading this and now refer to myself as Lizzi Lizzisons. Or Ms Ingram Ingramsons who is currently sitting on a Chairy Chairisons while using her Computey Compisons.
Nine: I want to take these to work every day for lunch. They're pretty much the same as a sandwich, right?
Ten: I now cannot listen to any song without words like 'an unopened can of baked beans hitting a relatively firm sofa cushion' crossing my mind.


Anddddddddddd that's all I got. PEACE.

Thursday, June 02, 2011

There is no HACHIS PARMENTIER RECETTE here.


I really wanted to start blogging more often – but my last entry set me up for failure. My promise of updating ya’ll on my improved, light-on-junk-food diet was rigged: what I MEANT was, ‘I want to brag about how awesome I’m doing’.

I failed to consider that maybe – just maybe – I would not do fantastically well in this challenge. And so I’ve been putting off updating until I can say “HI GUYS! I DID REALLY GREAT! I AM A LEAN MEAN GREEN SUPERFOOD GODDESS AND AM POOPING OUT ENTIRE BRUSSELS SPROUTS!”

Sadly (or thankfully? I’m not sure), this has not been the case. Let’s just say that my sugar (and salt, butter, Pop Tart, pretzel, KFC, ice cream and Tim Tam) addiction goes deeper than previously anticipated. Still, I will persevere…….because I am cheap and refuse to buy new jeans. So the ones I currently own NEED to fit me again or else I am in for a very cold winter.

… unless I get even fatter and my extra ‘padding’ keeps me warm. Hmm. Pantsless AND warm?! This is sounding like the perfect deal to me.

Another upside: at 23 years old I finally feel like I have something (not to be confused with ‘much’) in the boob department.

So, in short: there may or may not be any future updates on my ‘progress’. I might, however, begin taking daily photographs of my chest so you can all watch little Mary-Kate and Ashley grow before your eyes!!!!

I hate to think what kind of visitors this post will yield. Already, the search keywords that lead people to my blog are somewhat troubling to me.

My favourites?

“YOUNG LITTLE TITS”

“COUGHED UP A STINKY WHITE BALL”

“PHOTOS OF FROZEN COLESLAW”

“PICTURES OF THIGHGINAS”

“HACHIS PARMENTIER RECETTE” 

“WHAT IS THE GREATEST DINNER OF ALL TIME?”

“REALLY SHITTY PHOTOS”

Dear visitors who come seeking shitty photos of young, little tits, frozen coleslaw, and thighginas: I am sorry.
Dear everyone else: I am also sorry.

On an unrelated note, here is a picture of my latest stupid injury:


After a hardcore session of office parkour-ing.  Lesson: wheel-y spin-y office chairs do not a good jumping castle make

To conclude, I bring you a picture of my little workplace friends. They have killer eyebrows and wear funny hats while herding a pink chicken. Kind of like me.

I really am going to try to post more, though. Don't worry - the second I DO start pooping out whole brussels sprouts, you guys will be the first to know about it.
Oh, and for those seeking answers to "WHAT IS THE GREATEST DINNER OF ALL TIME?"... I have a lil something up my sleeve that may solve this dilemma for you in the coming months. STAY TUNED!!!!!!!