My main reason for blogging is sheer boredom. Which is probably why I don't post particularly often: I'm really not without-stuff-to-do that often. I'm not tonight either, for the record. My sink is full of dishes and my dirty laundry (the literal kind, not figurative, I'm afraid) is overflowing. I'd sworn I'd get an early night tonight, so I could go to bed, finish my book, and sleep.
But no. It is a Saturday night and I am sitting up eating Pop-Tarts, Skittles, Easter eggs and ... broccoli. I made my mum a 6-year-old-esque Mother's Day collage out of Starbursts. I used my remote access to check my work email approximately eight times. I Facebook-stalked exes and their exes and their exes' exes. Then I got freaked out because my stalking just led me back in a circle to myself.
I made a great SPIN CLASS HEROES playlist for tomorrow.
(and yes, my iPod's name is 'i-Diddy'. Shut up.)
During 'H-to-the-Izzo', I make anyone who braves my class sing 'L-TO-THE-IZZO! L-TO-THE-IZZAY!!' and point theatrically at me. I lap it up and preen and pose. It's really nice of my friends to humour me like this... I think my mum might be paying them.
For the record, I'm not actually a spin instructor, just a crazy person. I started the long boring process of 'becoming qualified' but it was expensive and time-consuming. So now I just make up classes for myself and occasionally friends who tag along. The classes usually consist of 90% rap. With some Paul Kelly and Tracy Chapman thrown in because - when I'm not acting like an angry 13 year old boy - I am a 50-something year old woman whose children don't appreciate her and just wants a man to make her FEEL SAFE, OKAY?! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK.
Speaking of men, my gentleman friend is out being sociable and manly, playing pool and drinking beer and spitting on women or something. Which is probably another reason I'm awake and bored. I don't have anyone to listen to me babble or rub my back or keep me warm in bed while I do crosswords.
Which reminds me... the gentleman in question thinks it's really funny to take surprise phone photos of me while we're in bed, and I'm tired and grumpy.
In response, I stealthily stole his phone, edited said picture with some stylish decorations, and made it his wallpaper. So now he can look at my pretty cheerful face everywhere he goes!!!!!
He is such a lucky guy :)
In other exciting news, here is a picture of my least hardcore exercise-related injury ever:
On both my thumbs I have elliptical trainer blisters. I've had some cool injuries before. Huge bloody gashes up and down my body from running in crazy bushland. Fractured feet. Callouses that are rock-solid. Scars and bruises and scabs from mountain runs gone wrong. I'm missing multiple toenails. I even got a black eye once.
But this? Just... lame.
And now, just because I can, here is a picture from my recent work trip to Melbourne.
If you're a regular reader of Hannah's blog, it might ring a few bells.
Now, I have something semi-serious to say. For real. Are you ready?!?!? As of tomorrow, I am turning over a new leaf and attempting to STOP EATING SO MUCH CRAP. Anyone who knows me in real life will understand that this is a huge deal. I am the person who regularly eats cake for breakfast. Lunch today was 3 giant chocolate bunnies left over from Easter. I am often found just eating sugar out of the bowl with a spoon. Same goes for honey. And Nutella. And jam. And maple syrup. Sometimes, I put jellybeans in my cereal. The other night for dinner, I ate a rocky road sandwich.
Basically, I am always on a sugar high or HORRIBLY CRASHING LIKE A TRAINWRECK. And I've got to the point where I'm feeling like a pile o' shit (technical term). The sad truth is that I AM GETTING OLD, and it seems that my body can no longer handle the huge amounts of sugar I enjoy ingesting. Sigh.
So this is basically just a public warning to my loved ones: I apologise if I bite your face off or run you over with my car. I'm not sure if I'm capable of a cheerful disposition and laid-back nature without 700 kilograms of gummibears coursing through my veins.
In short, this is going to be veeeery interesting. I'm trying to make this 'fun' by treating it as a science experiment. As I go about my daily activities, I will narrate the events that transpire in a David Attenborough-style voice-over. That is, if I'm able to get out of bed. I'm not quite sure I remember how regular people manage to drive to work without first eating a bowl of oats-mixed-with-half-a-tin-of-frosting.
I'm be sure to report back on how it's going! ... assuming I have the energy to press the power button on my computer :\
"Elizabeth reaches to turn on the computing apparatus. For a fairly large, apartment-dwelling mammal, she is surprisingly agile. But, as she nears her goal, the difficulty of the task at hand becomes clear, and her energy is rapidly dwindling ... Her hand - so close to the power button - falls to the ground, and she begins her long winter of hibernation; in a state of limbo until her mate returns from playing pool and replenishes her stocks of Oreos..."