I really
wanted to start blogging more often – but my last
entry set me up for failure. My promise of updating ya’ll on my improved,
light-on-junk-food diet was rigged: what I MEANT was, ‘I want to brag about how
awesome I’m doing’.
I failed to consider
that maybe – just maybe – I would not do fantastically well in this challenge.
And so I’ve been putting off updating until I can say “HI GUYS! I DID REALLY
GREAT! I AM A LEAN MEAN GREEN SUPERFOOD GODDESS AND AM POOPING OUT ENTIRE
BRUSSELS SPROUTS!”
Sadly (or
thankfully? I’m not sure), this has not been the case. Let’s just say that my
sugar (and salt, butter, Pop Tart, pretzel, KFC, ice cream and Tim Tam)
addiction goes deeper than previously anticipated. Still, I will persevere…….because
I am cheap and refuse to buy new jeans. So the ones I currently own NEED to fit
me again or else I am in for a very cold winter.
… unless I
get even fatter and my extra ‘padding’ keeps me warm. Hmm. Pantsless AND warm?!
This is sounding like the perfect deal to me.
Another
upside: at 23 years old I finally feel like I have something (not to be
confused with ‘much’) in the boob department.
So, in short:
there may or may not be any future updates on my ‘progress’. I might, however,
begin taking daily photographs of my chest so you can all watch little
Mary-Kate and Ashley grow before your eyes!!!!
I hate to
think what kind of visitors this post will yield. Already, the search keywords
that lead people to my blog are somewhat troubling to me.
My
favourites?
“YOUNG LITTLE
TITS”
“COUGHED UP A
STINKY WHITE BALL”
“PHOTOS OF
FROZEN COLESLAW”
“PICTURES OF
THIGHGINAS”
“HACHIS
PARMENTIER RECETTE”
“WHAT IS THE
GREATEST DINNER OF ALL TIME?”
“REALLY SHITTY PHOTOS”
Dear visitors
who come seeking shitty photos of young, little tits, frozen coleslaw, and
thighginas: I am sorry.
Dear everyone
else: I am also sorry.
On an
unrelated note, here is a picture of my latest stupid injury:
After a
hardcore session of office
parkour-ing. Lesson: wheel-y spin-y
office chairs do not a good jumping castle make
To conclude, I bring you a picture of my little workplace friends. They have killer eyebrows and wear funny
hats while herding a pink chicken. Kind of like me.
I really am going to try to post more, though. Don't worry - the second I DO start pooping out whole brussels sprouts, you guys will be the first to know about it.
Oh, and for those seeking answers to "WHAT IS THE GREATEST DINNER OF ALL TIME?"... I have a lil something up my sleeve that may solve this dilemma for you in the coming months. STAY TUNED!!!!!!!
You're hilarious. That is all :)
ReplyDelete(But also a side of advice - too much fibre can be a bad thing. If those brussel sprouts are anything to go by. Just saying :P)
welsome back!
ReplyDeleteyou seriously made me giggle out loud when you mentioned the idea of pooping out whole brusel sprouts!!!!
We must arrange another run soon! Perhaops shorter though (am outta training !!)
Bahahaha! Also, in response to siggysparkle, one can never have too much fibre. That's why I intend to take an entire bag of carrots with me to the airport tonight, for my inevitable five billion hour wait for the Tiger flight.
ReplyDeleteThighginas. Oh dear me, I wish you'd never started up with that...
Oh, and I say embrace the boobage! Embrace it! Or let the boyfriend embrace it. Whatevs.
Lizzi, I have realized tonight that if I am laughing, not just a little lilting polite laugh but a ridiculous burst-out laugh, then I am reading your blog. My family hear me at my desk alone and wander in to ask what could possibly be so funny. Thank you. Hilarious. And I apologize for contributing to your junk food stash, which must feel like it's mocking you about now.
ReplyDelete