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I come from a family of Stingy McGrinchy Scroogey McDucks.

Actually, that's a lie. We're not stingy, nor are we ducks. We're just smart enough to realise that a lot of Christmas festivities exist solely to STEAL OUR MONEY, CAUSE RIFTS AMONG LOVED ONES, FORCE US TO ENDURE CROWDS OF SHOPPERS, and WASTE VALUABLE EATING TIME.

As such, this year, rather than buying for everybody, we're doing a Secret Santa among the adult members of the family, with a $30 limit on gifts.

I got my dad. Given he organised the 'Secret' Santa, I'm pretty sure he deliberately assigned himself to me, as he knows I give the best gifts. Well played, Mr Ingram. Very well played.

I'm in love with the idea of making homemade gifts. I fancy myself a bit of a Nigella Lawson. But less busty. And with less amazing eyebrows. And without children who look like frightfully malnourished aliens. Also, my kitchen is much smaller - and much messier - than hers. But other than that, we're practically twins!!!!!!!! .... in that we both use a lot of saturated fats in our cooking.

I'm also a bit of a Martha Stewart. I'd never thought I was, but I recently read an interview where she confessed her love for Eminem. So now I'm certain we have a lot in common and are probably soulmates.

So, anyway, these delusions of domesticity led to a brainwave. And because of the aforementioned aversions to money-wastage and Christmas shopping crowds, as well as a fondness for creating (read: eating) things that involve a lot of butter and/or sugar, I decided to make my dad a goodie bag of homemade, edible gifts.

First, I made jam - 'Frankincense Relish'. Full of mixed berries, cherries, cloves, allspice, pepper, and a little maple syrup.

Next up was 'Elf Poop' - Christmas themed rocky road, with crushed candy canes and red and green jelly beans, as well as a dash of cinnamon added to the melted chocolate mixture.

I baked a huge batch of muesli/granola, which I dubbed 'Reindeer Kibble'. It's the best kind of muesli there is....AKA the kind that is full of all the leftover crap I hoard in my kitchen. In this case, lots of spices, golden syrup, and caramelised nuts and fruit.

And finally, because it's very important to never lose sight of the religious significance of the occasion, I made 'Baby Jesus' Rusk Sticks' -- caramel and cashew shortbread fingers.

Though humble in appearance, these babies are probably one of the best things I've ever made - burnt butter, brown sugar, honey, vanilla beans, and caramelised, salted cashews. Aaaamazing.

In short, I'm a domestic-motherfucking-goddess. I wish I was a man - and not myself - so I could make me my wife. I'd make me scrub the floors in skimpy underwear and bake me pies and spit on myself. 

POINT ISSSSS: my stinginess led to some fantastic creations that I'm sure will be much appreciated by the recipient on Christmas morning. Unless I eat them all first. In which case....$30 GIFT VOUCHER TIME YAAAAYYYYYyyy.